Crumpled Cards
by Eradicated Illness
Summary: DISCONTINUED
1. Dreams

Hello, here is my infamous Zachary/Li! It's weird but it somehow works, by the way, this takes place after the second movie and second season. BUT! Li never told Sakura that he loved her, and she didn't spend three years trying to decide if she loved him back. In fact, she's still in love with with Julian. Crazy, huh? Well, couplings are as is: Yamaran (Yamazaki/Syaoran), hintings of Yukura (Yukito/Sakura) . I meant to make this longer, but I need inspiration to write what I know is going to happen, and also I want to know what people think. And tell me if you're interested in my fantasy.  
  
ja  
  
*dream*  
  
The radio tower. Strange things floated through the air.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
Cards? He caught one. A strange gold sign sprawled itself over a pink background. What are these? He turned it over. A winged heart seemed to soar endlessly. He glanced at the wording on the bottom. Love? Ai?  
  
(mystical pinging sound)  
  
His head jerked up as he became aware of something. He gasped as he realized what it was. That boy. He's here again. There, on top of the radio tower. As usual, the boy had his sword, and stood listlessly, leering at him through the shadow that covered his face. No! Not again.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
The boy grinned dryly, an out of place gesture. No. Not again.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
The boy in shadows swung his sword forward and grasped it in both hands with determination. Not again, please kami, no.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
The boy shifted his blade one hundred eighty degrees so that the point rested over his heart.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
No. Don't do it. The boy's insane smile grew slightly wider. His hands slid towards his body.  
  
No! Don't do it!  
  
The sword slid through the boy, and the icy smile froze forever on his face. He fell sideways, and lay still.  
  
The lone figure clenched his fists, crumpling the Love Card, trembling with rage and grief.  
  
Not again.  
  
*end dream*  
  
I wake with a start, covered in sweat. Not again. I shudder. That is the fifth time the strange, yet familiar boy killed himself in my dreams. Oh kami, is it real? Is he. . . Will he. . . Who is he? It's almost as if I know him. . .  
  
I glance at the clock, three-thirty. I lean back against my pillows; I'm sure not getting any more sleep, might as well do that homework I never finished.  
  
Let's see. . . Two carry the three, times four . .  
  
"Ohayo, Yama-kun!" A girl with curly pigtails waves at me from her group of friends. I walk over to them, my backpack slung over my shoulder.  
  
"Ohayo, Chiharu-chan, Sakura-chan, Rika-chan, Naoko-chan." There are some others I don't know, I just wave to them. Li stands off in a corner, his arrogant nose held high. I wave to him, "Ohayo, Li-san!" He turns his nose aside, shutting out the world simply by closing his eyes. I frown; a few weeks ago he would've been here with us, laughing and joking, but lately he's been aloof, distant, but most of all, he's sad. Whenever I look into his eyes, they don't shine like they used to, they're dull with a dejected sadness covered by a layer of arrogance triple-fold, arrogance to hide behind. It scares me to be honest, that's why I never confront him about it. Whenever he looks at me with those sad eyes, I become frightened and I want to hide. But always, the prevailing feeling is pain; I feel his pain, I don't know how or why but I do, however unlikely. And it hurts. It's not physical, it's worse, by far the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. And I am too much of a coward to help him. Sometimes it's enough to make me hate myself. Sometimes I wonder if I am the boy I see in my dreams, and sometimes I wonder if it's Li, but he wouldn't do that, and where would he get a sword?  
  
Chiharu has started looking at me with those dreamy eyes again. I'm certain she's got a crush on me, and oddly enough, I don't return the feelings. She's my best friend and practically related to me. If I went out with her, it'd be like. . . well, dating my cousin.  
  
I smile at her, she is a sweet girl. I close my eyes, remembering the good times we had together. I remember the row we had over Suhama, the teddy bear she gave me, still sitting on my bookshelf. Despite her protests, the name remained Suhama, instead of Chiharu, like she wanted. Some of the girls' conversation caught in my ear.  
  
"—and she said it was just adorable!"  
  
They must be talking about that new stuffed animal in Maki-san's shop. How boring. Perhaps I shall spice things up a little.  
  
"The round, panda shape came from France, you know. They've never seen a real panda and had to imagine what they looked like. They closely examined ancient cave drawings east of Paris, from thousands of years ago, the giant pink pandas that roamed Europe are depicted quite well—"  
  
"Give it a rest, Yama-kun!" The bell rang and I sweatdrop as Chiharu grabs my ear and drags me off to homeroom.  
  
I hate math class. I'm no good at it. I'm still working on that problem from this morning, hoping Terada-san doesn't catch me. I hate long multiplication with a passion.  
  
"Li-san! Do problem twenty-four on the board please," Terada-san barked.  
  
"Hai, sensei." Li methodically did as he was asked and sat back down without saying another word. He says less and less every day. I wish I had courage.  
  
"Good job, Li-san." Terada-san has already turned his back.  
  
"Nice, Li-kun!" Sakura exclaimed. Li leaned over his desk, his hair shadowing his eyes. I blink. Are his shoulders trembling?  
  
He lifts his head and turns it in my direction. Stark brown eyes bore into my own. I gape, and start backwards, as my vision fades to black.  
  
*memory*  
  
A boy with brown hair peered down between the branches high up in the oak tree. This was his favorite spot; he often came here to relax. Expecting to hear silence, the boy's ears picked up the sound of people.  
  
"So Sakura-chan, why did you want to meet me here?" The merry voice of the boy's former crush rang out beneath the trees.  
  
"Konnichiwa, Yukito-san. I--I just wanted to let you know--that--that--I love you. . . "  
  
"Oh, Sakura-chan. . . "  
  
*end memory*  
  
I gulp air as Chiharu alternately shakes and hugs me. "Oh, Yama-kun! Wake up! Wake up! Wahhhh!" My feet skid on the floor as I try to regain my footing. I stare at Li who meets my gaze and keeps it, no emotion disturbing his fine features, except for the deep sadness, only visible to my eyes.  
  
"Takashi-san, are you okay?!" My sensei is shaking my shoulders, yelling in my face. I ignore him, all my classmates' cries die upon entering my ears. For me, the room is silent. All I can do is stare at Li, at Syaoran; for this moment, he is my world. 


	2. Life

Hello, sorry this is so short, but I wanted to get it up. Gomen. Gomen. But it's so exciting, ne? Sugoi! Sugoi! Have a wonderful read. RxR please.  
  
"Weird, how you passed out in math today, ne Yama-kun?" Rika asks. Chiharu whimpers and clings to my arm even tighter as we walk out the school doors and descend on the yard.  
  
"Yeah, totally." Naoko exclaims, "You haven't tried to feed us some story since! Are you feeling all right?" Was that one of Syaoran's memories? What happened? What the hell happened!  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." I dismiss them immediately--worried frowns crease their faces as they glance at each other--and new thoughts fill my head. Was it a dream? Is this why he's so sad? Is he--is he in love with Sakura?  
  
I turn to ask Sakura if she's noticed anything up with Li, but she isn't there. "Where'd Sakura go?"  
  
Naoko answers my curiosity. "Oh she wandered over there--" she points to the side of the building where the fence between the elementary and high school is, "like she does everyday, Yama-kun."  
  
Chiharu pouts, "She won't let us come with her, either."  
  
I pull free of the girl. "I—forgot—in the class—yeah, see ya!" I take off for the building, their shouts behind me frow fainter. I hide on the stairs in front of the school, where I can watch without being spotted. When my friends pass out of the school gates, apparently giving up on my return—no doubt they think I have a detention—I run to where Naoko said Sakura goes everyday after school. I'm ready to run around the corner when I hear voices. I skid to a halt and cling to the wall, listening intently.  
  
"Konnichiwa, Sakura-chan." My eyes widen. That's the voice of Yukito, the best—and adorable—friend of Sakura's older brother, What's-His-Name!  
  
I peer around the corner cautiously.  
  
"Konnichiwa, Yukito-chan." Sakura says nervously. Yukito takes his hand from behind his back and presents a flower to Sakura. "Arigato, Yuki- chan!" she squeals delightedly. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Hai," Yukito chuckles. He bends down to Sakura's height and smiles at her. Sakura leans forward, a slight blush on her cheeks, and kisses his cheek lightly.  
  
Yukito chuckles again, and takes her hand in his own. "Come, Sakura-chan, there is a new bakery I wish you to see. It's so amazing! They have such a variety of desserts! Nearly everything's made out of chocolate. . . !"  
  
They're coming this way! I clung closer to the wall, vainly hoping my dark blue uniform would blend in with the white paint, that they wouldn't notice me; indeed, they didn't, so absorbed in each other they are. When they are gone I heave a sigh of relief.  
  
Then I hear it. Some rustling, a bump, and then the scuffling of shoes. Once again, I peer around the corner.  
  
And the shock of all shocks, I see Li Syaoran, standing on top of the wall on the edge of school grounds, with a broadsword in one hand.  
  
Stunned, I stumble forward, and manage to gag out "Li-san!"  
  
He turned and jumped. I run to the wall and clamber to the top, there's no sign of him. I jump back down, the gears in my mind working quickly.  
  
The radio tower, he's got to be there! He's got to!  
  
I sprint for a few meters until I slip on something and fall roughly to the ground. For some reason, I search for what hindered me. I don't have time for this! I have to go! The freaking boy in my dreams is Li! And he's going to kill himself; I have to get there now! Oh, kami! Let me get there in time!  
  
My hands scrabble over a thin shape in the ground and I snatch it up. It's a card, like in my dreams, complete with the odd gold sign. I flip it over, thinking of the top of the radio tower. "Return?"  
  
Everything went white.  
  
I stumble, the sudden altitude stunning me for a moment. Absentmindedly, I shove the card into my pocket while I look around me.  
  
There's Syaoran.  
  
Green Chinese robes swirling around him in the wind, his hair stirred over his face. The sword hung from his fingertips. He grinned at me dryly, an out of place gesture.  
  
No. Not again.  
  
"Not again, damnit!"  
  
Surprising both of us, I charge him. He starts back and his heel slides over the edge. He looks below him and the surprise on his face quickly turns to a weird glee. He leans backwards, the wind gusting around him.  
  
"Not again! You've died too many times in my dreams, Syaoran, I'm not gonna let you die now!" He leans back even more, but I grab his collar and use my momentum to hurtle him in the opposite direction. He stumbles and I pivot, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He drops his sword as I reach into my pocket and grab the Return Card. I think of my room back at my house as the sky darkens with the promise of night. "Return!" A blinding white light stuns us. 


	3. Grief

Hey y'all!  
  
Hope you like this so far. It's going to be a hell of a lot longer than expected. Loads and loads of chapters I think, mostly because certain things have to happen and some of those things take a long time! I'd say more but I don't want to give anything away! I wish I could plant some spoilers for this fic oh well. By the way, I AM working on the Digimon Philosophical Institute; the simulator is acting up and won't work right. You guys can help me out if you want, even if you don't know anything about Digimon. The next topic is what if Tai and Matt really were gay and were going out? I need a bit of fluffy romance or something for the simulator to process. Please help me, I'm lost. Okay now that that's out of the way I think I should rant about Harry Potter, but since I want to write his chapter I'll just say that he's awesome and he's the coolest. Read Kage no Kokoro, a fellow author. She's got some good CCS stuff and if you like unusual pairings, read her Yue/Madison! Yay! And also this chapter will be longer than the others, yay!, so enjoy!  
  
p.s. I know this is a yamazaki/syaoran, but yamazaki doesn't love syaoran yet! Remember that, it's a gradual thing, hence the many chapters to come. And this is from Zachary's point of view, so what he notices, we notice. These are pretty much his thoughts. This is not my opinion at all, even if I do sometimes agree with it. Okay? ja  
  
I will write the story now.  
  
  
  
The flash of light ends and my vision fades back into clarity. Dazedly, I notice I'm still holding Li, who begins to struggle. I twist around, trying to keep my hold on him, when two cards fall out of my pocket. Two? The Return is there--I glimpse it as it flutters to the floor--but the second card lands face up on top of it. "Sleep?"  
  
Li struggles harder. "Let me go! I have a right to kill myself if I want to! Release--" A tiny fairy-like creature flies out of the card and waves her wand in front of Syaoran's nose. She giggles and he goes limp, and his breathing evens out. Return appears as well, nodding approvingly at my Li. Then she motions towards my bed.  
  
"I think he will be more comfortable there."  
  
I nod dumbly. Stripping him to his boxers--they are a faded green, matching his hair perfectly--I lay him in the bed, tucking the coverlet up to his neck.  
  
"You should join him; he will need comfort tonight, and," the figure glances at me, "you need to rest." Sleep gleefully starts towards me, but Return grabs her with one hand and holds her fast. "He is tired," the larger says, "He will sleep on his own." The fairy holds her arms indignantly, growling slightly.  
  
"Arigato." I say thankfully. Return motions once again to the bed, which now holds a slumbering Syaoran. He doesn't look right, like he's sleeping under a spell. Which, I remind myself, he is. Stripping to my own boxers--black like my hair--I slide in next to my friend and slip my arms around his waist to make sure he doesn't try anything during the night.  
  
Dimly, I notice Return tidying the room a bit before she and Sleep transform back into cards. I mumble goodnight, my eyes close, and I instinctively draw Syaoran closer.  
  
Syaoran…  
  
*dream*  
  
The radio tower. Strange things floated through the air.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
Cards? He caught one. A strange gold sign sprawled itself over a pink background. I know these. He turned it over. A winged heart seemed to soar endlessly. He glanced at the wording on the bottom. Love? Ai?  
  
(mystical pinging sound)  
  
His head jerked up as he became aware of something. He gasped as he realized what it was. That boy. He's here again. There, on top of the radio tower. As usual, the boy had his sword, and stood listlessly, leering at him through the shadow that covered his face. No! Not again.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
The boy grinned dryly, an out of place gesture. No. Not again.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
The boy in shadows swung his sword forward and grasped it in both hands with determination. Not again, please kami, no.  
  
(Mystical pinging sound)  
  
NO! I charged toward him, knocking the sword aside. Together, we soared off the roof and fell, screaming.  
  
The Love Card fluttered behind us, torn by the wind.  
  
*end dream*  
  
I wake, for once not covered in sweat; it takes me a minute to realize where I am and why I have someone in my arms. Glancing at the face, haloed by the soft moonlight flowing in from my window, I see Syaoran. Then everything comes back to me. I shudder and pull the boy closer as I remember what he had tried to do.  
  
He whimpers and cries out softly against my chest. He seems to be falling out of the enchanted sleep and into the shaky sleep of the lovelorn.  
  
Wrapping my arms firmly around him, I plant a soft and gentle kiss on the top of his head, in a vain attempt to comfort him. It seems to work for a few minutes. But then it stops, and he clutches at me as if I were his only hope. Maybe I am. Only time will tell and for now, all I can do is hold him and whisper into his hair that everything will be all right. However true or false that statement may be.  
  
I don't go back to sleep, though I'm still tired. I try my best to comfort him throughout the rest of the night and when daylight arrives, I get up and rummage in my closet for a pair of clean sweats. Slipping them on, I lay a pair out for Li--gray like my own--and on second thought, I add a baggy t-shirt to the sweats. Not everybody likes to run around half-naked on a brilliant spring Saturday.  
  
I curl the blankets around my Syaoran and head downstairs. I hate to leave him but he's sleeping peacefully enough--as if last night's tremors and cries never existed—and I might as well have some breakfast ready for Sleeping Beauty.  
  
In the kitchen, the first thing I notice is Li's robes hanging on the doorknob of the cellar door. Attached is a note reading: Take good care of him. P.S. Dry-clean only. It isn't signed. I can only guess it's from the Return Card.  
  
On the kitchen table is another note reading: Dear Son, gone to work early, have fun with your friend, I'll be back in time for dinner, nikuman in the freezer, 3 minutes on high, eat whenever, ja ne, Dad.  
  
Checking the freezer confirms the presence of frozen nikuman, which I pop in the toaster oven, and I put water on to boil. Digging around in the cupboards produced two cups of Instant Ramen. As I placed them on the table, Syaoran wandered down the stairs, rubbing at his red, puffy eyes. He looks kind of cute.  
  
I guide him to a chair and have him sit, placing a plate in front of him. The toaster oven bings--yes, it bings--and I put two of the nikuman on his dish and one of the cups of Instant Ramen a bit to the side and pour some hot water into it from the pot--I daren't heat water to the point of boiling anymore, the last time I did, I actually burned the water. He stares unseeing at the food while I stick a spoon in the cup of soup and begin to stir it absentmindedly.  
  
"Why did you stop me?"  
  
"Huh?" I jerked out of my daze and back into the real world.  
  
"Why did you stop me from killing myself?" How can he be so blunt about it?  
  
"Animal instincts, when I see someone in danger, I rush in to rescue them. Dear kami, I'm only kidding!" I say when I see his face harden. Kneeling down, I rest my hand on my shoulder, "Look Li-san, you're one of my friends. If you died, I'd--I'd--HELL I don't know what I'd do," He trembles and I kiss the side of his head, just above his ear--hey, it worked last night--"It seems my verbal skills have left me in this time of need. Lousy blackguards. . . " I trail off as a single tear trickles down his cheek.  
  
"She doesn't love me. She doesn't love me. . ." he mutters over and over.  
  
Oh, my poor, poor Syaoran. I gather him in my arms and carry him to the couch in the other room. He huddles against me, curling up on my lap, and continues his muttering as if I'm not there. I don't think he's aware of me anymore. I rock him back and forth, occasionally giving him comfort kisses.  
  
Then he breaks down. The boy doesn't. . . how should I say this? He doesn't mourn well, I suppose. He doesn't wail or shriek or even make much noise at all. Tremors shake his slender frame as he whimpers and sniffles, clinging to me with all his might, with his eyes squeezed shut and rivers of tears. I whisper what I hope are soothing things into his hair, applying comfort kisses where needed.  
  
Eventually he calms and I lean back, my eyelids heavy. Tightening my grip on him I drift into a dreamless sleep while he rests against my chest.  
  
TBC yay!  
  
Please review! 


	4. Shame

Hey everybody  
  
I've had a sudden burst of creativity! I'm gonna keep writing until it wears off! Please tell me what you think (RxR). Zachary is really a character you can work with. Hee hee.  
  
On with the story.  
  
  
  
I wake to a sweltering heat. Disorientated, I ponder how I got on the couch and why I have a blanket on me. I sniff and the scent of cooking catches my nose. I close my eyes and follow the said body organ to the kitchen.  
  
Li is flipping hot cakes over the stove--the nikuman and Instant Ramen had been thrown in the garbage can--the methodical skid of the spatula over the iron pan soft in my ears. He had abandoned the t-shirt in the heat of the day, and it hangs on a chair. His golden body glows in the sunlight; his eyes shine dully, no longer red and puffy.  
  
I rub my head; it must be nearly midday. Hesitantly taking a step forward, I falter. "Are--are you all right?"  
  
His eyes slide towards me, without moving his head. He doesn't slow once with his hot cake flipping. "Hn." He adds the cake to the stack already on the table and slathers them with butter and syrup. Shoving me down in a seat, he pushes the plate towards me and clatters some silverware onto the table.  
  
"Whoa, no need to be violent, ne?"  
  
He angrily chucks the pan into the sink and begins to viciously scrub it with a sponge. Satisfied with its cleanliness, he sets it aside to dry and joins me at the table, sitting next to me. I seem to be feeling the heat more than usual.  
  
I study him out of the corner of my eye as I start in on the hot cakes. "Aren't you going to have any?"  
  
He grumbles something that sounds like, "I already ate." And I start in on the food.  
  
We sit in an awkward silence; I listen to his even breathing; he fidgets.  
  
"You must think me weak." He doesn't look at me; he just states it as if it's a fact. He seems completely indifferent. But his eyes shimmer with unshed tears.  
  
My head jerks up, smearing syrup over my chin. "Why would I think you weak?"  
  
"Because I am." He doesn't sound too good. I suddenly have an urge to hold him and make everything better. Following this instinct and startling him, I gently slide my arms around him and kiss his cheek, my pale skin stark against his tan.  
  
"Some of the strongest men have fallen from lesser things, Li-san," he jerks at the formal name and my brow creases, "And you are the strongest I know. . . Li-san."  
  
He wriggles out of my grasp. I'm slightly disappointed; his skin felt good. Agitated, he paces with his strong hands clasped behind him. I wipe my chin, which I just noticed is dripping with syrup. How embarrassing.  
  
He runs a hand through his hair as I watch him cross the room repeatedly, and his eyes slide towards me in that special way of his where he doesn't move his head. "I feel grimy. Can I take a shower?" He stares at me with his hand still half-buried in his brown locks.  
  
I lean back in my chair. "I don't know if I trust you to be alone." I eye him skeptically. If he's going to be difficult, I'll have to be stern; but I just want to hold him and make everything better! This is going to be difficult.  
  
He sighs, plainly aggravated at my mistrust. Stay firm, I tell myself. Let—no—make him know you aren't going to back down.  
  
He rolls his eyes. "I promise," he says, annoyed, "I won't attempt to hurt myself in any way or fashion while I'm in the shower. There, how's that?" He says the last bit scathingly. Stay firm. Stay firm. It's so hard!  
  
"It'll do." I have to trust his word, even if I can't trust his actions. He trudges upstairs. I quiver and then relax when he finally disappears from my sight.  
  
"Oh, kami, that was hard." Man, have I grown into a weakling or what? A simple look from him makes me crumble to pieces! What is wrong with me?  
  
Well, anyway, time for business.  
  
I pick up the phone and dial Syaoran's familiar number.  
  
Ring. Ring. "Moshi moshi."  
  
I catch the conversation. "Moshi moshi, Wei-san."  
  
"Ah, Yamazaki-san! It's been a while since you've been around. I must say the house is quite gloomy."  
  
"Um, hai, would you mind if Li-san stays here for the weekend? We'll get him to school Monday morning just fine; and he's got everything he needs."  
  
"Sure, sure, that's fine, as long as it's what he wants."  
  
"Uhh. . . hai! That's what he wants all right."  
  
"Okay, then, ja ne Yamazaki-san."  
  
"Ja ne."  
  
I hang up. There, that's done.  
  
Abruptly the shower water turns off. Wow, he's fast. I usually take a few hours. Within moments Syaoran descends the stairs, garbed in the sweats he had been wearing before. Without saying a word, he takes the tee shirt in his hands from the back of the chair he left it on, and pulls it over his head, mussing his hair.  
  
It's nearly impossible to tell Syaoran to do things. You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. I'm going to have a hell of a time getting him to stay the weekend. I clear my throat. "I called Wei."  
  
He glances sharply at me. "And?" There is something of a threat in that simple question.  
  
I gulp. He can be scary. "You're staying the weekend—"  
  
I see stars whirling around my head as the room spins. My vision clears and I finger the bruise, wincing, forming around my eye where Syaoran had punched me. He grabs my collar and slams me against the cellar door, knocking against his strange robes. Three cards fall out of the sleeve. I have just enough time to register the fact—three cards? Where do they keep coming from?—before my Syaoran shoves his face into mine, his eyes enraged.  
  
"What do you mean, I'm staying the weekend?! Who gave you permission to do that?! I don't want to stay! I'm not going to stay!" The last sentence boosts his confidence.  
  
"Well, you'll just try to kill yourself again!" I yell into his visage. "Ever think someone might not want you to die?" He growls, not wanting to realize the truth of the matter, and punches me again, in the stomach; then his fist cracks against my ribs. I sink to the ground as he readies another blow, and catch sight of the new card on the floor beside me.  
  
"Shield?"  
  
A bubble forms around me, glowing blue. Syaoran's latest punch rebounds against it. He tries to force his way through but is not successful. He looks at me sharply, calculatedly.  
  
"Where did you get a Clow Card?" 


End file.
